Thank you for taking time to read me. Firstly let me apologise for not writing a March blog. Many reasons for this; I was bogged down by my own reading of various social commentators and teachers of an esoteric nature whom I admire and follow, writing about the traumatic events occurring around the world. As a result of the strangeness of the current time and the aftershocks felt by us everywhere I felt blocked and unable to communicate well to others, and lost my grounding for most of the month. Plus, I had a lengthy trip home to Scotland to spend time with my mum on her 81st birthday. The trips back home are always so heavy these days and as an only child with just the two of us it really takes it out of me. I find myself escaping back into adolescent behaviour on my return to London, wanting to drink and play music for about two days, watching clips of David Coverdale singing “Here I go Again” whom I am infatuated with as part of my mid life crisis. Soooo, I need to centre myself again best I can and that involves not giving out too much for a while.
March/ April has always been a tricky time for me personally; I have only recently understood this. Firstly, as I have explained in my previous blog’s, it is the onslaught of spring, a fast moving opening energy that I don’t feel comfortable with. A pressure, like the rush hour I avoid at all costs. Having said that, late last Thursday night leaving the NFT on the beloved South bank, I found myself in Waterloo station getting one of the last tube’s home. It has been a while since I have experienced the mass exodus of drunken office zombies lurching across the concourse towards their homeward bound transportation. I was reminded of the George Romero classic “Night Of The Living dead.” Staggering, muttering, clutching those enormous baguettes that amateur drunks eat when they’ve gone straight from work to the pub. Poor, sad fuckers. The tube was rammed full of stinky people, all red eyed, a few people actually unconscious and some couples too drunk to care about their tongue kissing. When I alighted at Swiss cottage I saw a tall man in a suit standing in a corner about to throw up. After covering my ears and making noises (A bit Rain Man) I ran up the escalator and out on to the street. Eton Avenue (the scene of the Belsize Park beheading a few years back), is a pleasant night walk back to my street after the carnage of a tube ride, and I must admit the fullness of the blossom at this time of year makes it extra pleasing. It was just a shame I couldn’t enjoy the peace of the walk due to little Miss clickity fucking heels behind. Jeeeesus don’t you hate that! She was a sturdy girl to with a hefty clop, so I had to run head a little to get rid of her. When I got in I vowed to never go anywhere again within public madness hours. I have said this many times but this time I mean it. To end this section can I just add a disclaimer saying - yes of course I have been the worse for wear on more occasions than most in my past and younger life but never, I repeat never, have I thrown up in public. I just don’t think you should be allowed out if you have a weak constitution, or perhaps you can be allowed out on a Tuesday or something so we can all avoid you. I did, in the early nineties, once shit the bed whilst someone else was lying next to me, but then we had taken ecstasy cut with heroin the night before and were unable to move for about 24 hours, but never a public vomit. Get a fucking grip, standards and all that. May I also add another disclaimer saying that apart from a couple of drug taking experiences (one being Sydney Mardis Gras 1995) it has all been a terrible waste of time and brain cells, but then I am a product of my time and generation and we did what we did, it was just a little more extreme, expensive and dragged out than I would recommend to anyone. There are no rules of course, only common sense guidelines I guess, but in the mid nineties at the age of 30 I was in a relationship with a woman in her mid fifties and we both took drugs together for pleasure. She was enjoying a joire de vive revival after many years of responsibility and working hard building a successful business, and I was just being a naughty little stand up. Our time together wining and dining and class A’ing our way around northern Australia’s finest resorts was one of the most pleasurably hedonistic time’s of my entire life. I should show more compassion to the zombie midnight baguette clutchers of Waterloo station, we can’t all do it style-Daaaaaaaaghling. Hey, that was an out of character moment but I’ll keep it in.
So how are you feeling? There is a really big and powerful energy shift occurring at the moment, can you feel it? Today as I write this on 3rd April there is a new moon in Aries, which does highlight all those big feelings and surges. Please refer to my other sights of interest in previous blogs like http://planetwaves.net/pagetwo/
When a disaster on the scale of Japan occurs, it affects people around the world. Fallout from such an event does affect us all on some level, even if we feel unaware at the time, we cannot avoid it seeping into our subconscious and unearthing the big anxieties most of us spend our time avoiding. The big themes are safety and security, truth and of course, a reminder that life can change forever in a matter of moments. What we love, what we need, what we depend on can be swept away in an instant. Did you notice on the news coverage how happy some of the people looked who survived? The smiling faces of them amidst the rubble just so grateful to have their lives and the lives of their loved ones spared. Most of them left with nothing but the clothes they stood in. A reminder of the pointlessness of our increasingly material focused society. How Ironic it is that Japan who supplies the world with many technological gadgets will be unable to do so for some time. Technology, nature and the raped and abused planet earth - everything feels so linked at the moment when you study the layers and think about the cycle of it all.
The simple question; why the fuck are we using a source of power that when malfunctioning and leaking can cause mass devastation? Now finally we learn that radioactive water pouring from a damaged reactor will be soon be reaching the sea. Soil will be poisoned, exports from Japan will cease and the knock on affect will be world wide eventually. Again we are reminded of the power of cause and effect. The wake up call we need perhaps to remind us that we can’t trust governments and media nor politicians who pay lip service to the mighty power of corruption and sociopathic corporations. Who tells us what is safe, what is right, what we should buy and what we should believe.
This month will see the royal fucking wedding. The one time when I do feel like fleeing to Scotland where it will go unnoticed for most. How timely, what a welcome distraction from what some would say is a grim current world. A chance for The Sun newspaper (cock hardener and mind softener to the working class man) to print pages of red white and blue patriotic dribble, the same delusion and patriotism that perpetuates an increasingly insane class inequality, that decimates working class communities and brainwashes young men and women to join the army and give their lives for a cause called freedom and democracy, which any enlightened person nowadays knows really means oil. Could it be that they just love each other and want to get married? There is some of that I’m sure but when one of the richest families in the world does so the effect has wide spread connotations. Like why the fuck should we take it up the ass all year round plus tax and pay for it? We’ve only just forked out millions on red nose day to help people who could be helped by taxing rich businesses, laying off most of the royals, putting an end to our involvement in illegal wars, and making premiership footballers, Rupert Murdoch and Tesco pay for the rest. As for the public holiday, I’m amazed anyone bothers turning up to work at times. Imagine if one day a month everybody just refused to go to work in protest of our ridiculously unfair system and just went and sat down in Whitehall instead? I also want to raise the question of charity, I just think it can encourage government complacency, we need to help people of course we do, but let us never forget that there is enough money to feed and house the homeless, to make sure everybody has a good quality of medical care, a decent education and transport system, and good local amenities. There is enough to pay for all of it; its just there’s too much of it in the wrong hands.
People are fighting back, waking up. This will be an incredible year for the world, a great shift of awareness will occur in some people. Out of the carnage and the suffering will come a hugely transformative time. It’s exciting, it’s frightening but it’s long overdue. Each night before I sleep I have started saying my prayers again, like I did when I was a little girl. Not in following a religion or belief in god in the biblical sense, but just a few moments at the end of the day to connect with the plight of others around me. To say thank you to those who have held me in some way, and to remember those passed who still watch over me. To think about all the people on our fragile earth who live in disaster zones and sick beds, in homes and institutions, and to show gratitude for whatever I have that feels good to me.
I cycled home last night from a friend’s house and that blossom smell was ever so present (blossom reminds me of one of my hero’s Dennis Potter in one of the greatest interviews of all time whilst he was dying and describing the blossomiest of blossom he saw from his window each day.) As I cycled I saw foxes slinking around with things in their mouths, and the wind was blowing so fiercely that I didn’t realise how loud I was singing until I saw people stare at me speeding past. “Memory” from Cats - I know, it’s naff but I love it and it’s my night cycle theme. There are many things unsatisfactory and difficult about my life, and my heart is very heavy with loss at times but for that moment and many others when I pedal around, I feel very lucky to be alive and strong and well and still able to have a shot at it all.
Say your prayers dear friends and followers, for all our flaws and fears and demons, say them each day and think of what simple things we have to appreciate, and for Christ’s sake, if you have never done it and you are able to, then make sitting on a surf board waiting for a wave -then trying to stand up when it comes, a priority in your life this year. It really is one of the most wonderful experiences.
Made myself cry now.
Love and peace