It’s Saturday morning, and I love winter weekends. Less traffic sounds, office drones still sleepy and indoors from the Friday night release. No children in the gardens below. Just the sound of the trees moving in the wind. Today’s weather is pretty much ideal for me. Before I slept last night I checked the met office report, and was delighted to see my favourite two meteoric words- Heavy and Rain. Joy oh joy.
So how is Feb feeling to you? Post Valentine’s Day commercial nonsense. It’s out of hand isn’t it? For those of us over 40 we can really see how commercialism has increased its production of neurosis in the human condition, in its relentless pursuit of our souls and true selves. How it uses every event in our yearly cycle to tap into our deepest fears and insecurities in order to develop greed and the avoidance of truth. (Those two very necessary components of capitalism.) The irony being most of our insecurities were instilled in us in the same system, that further down the line promises to remedy them if we just buy some more gear. I guess Valentine’s Day is the hardest to stomach of all the commercial honey traps. Mostly because it’s based on the notion that:
A- Romance is red and velvety, floral and edible.
B- Love is only a love that matters when it concerns another’s romantic love for you.
C- That there is a specific day of the year when we must all be loved up.
Still, it gives the drones a little break from god forbid - The time of nothingness that lies between New Year and mid Feb. Heaven forbid should we all just be left to fend for ourselves for a month. We mustn’t be left alone too much because alone time allows a person to feel and to think their own independent thoughts, and once we think we might not want to be slaves anymore. So just as western civilisation is slumping into a month without anything, particularly after a long period of journeying through the dark of winter, which as I wrote in January’s blog is meant for turning inward and reflection, to gather up one’s own inner strength. The giant nipple comes down for us all to suckle from.
The more I look at people these days the more I see 21st century humans as junkies, looking for their next fix. Capitalism has turned most humans into dehumanised dead eyed addicts, scratching away restlessly until their next score. We are pushed and pulled from one season to the next. No sooner are we out of the Christmas period of excess and over indulgence enough to edge us all over into diabetes type two, disguised as a holiday and ‘family time.’ When we are catapulted into the new year, and all the accompanying neurosis of “I must do this and I must do that” Join a gym, go on a diet, do yoga, self improve. One minute we are encouraged to stuff our faces with party food from Iceland advertised by a string of celebrities whom themselves have battled a life long struggle with addiction that got worse – surprise, surprise as their celebrity status soared. It’s a wonder most people haven’t collapsed under the heavy weight of irony, let alone a mountain of saturated fat by the end of the year.
Then suddenly the dealer switches gear and tells us all we are fat fucks by January 2nd, and that we have to get down the gym or buy a magazine that will change our lives and read a story about some anorexic Hollywood star’s tips for a flatter stomach in five days. Please be reminded that we can all strive to live healthier lives outside of this system, be the architects of our own lives. Be truly what we need to be without spending money on ‘things’ to change us; sure we need a few ‘things’ I love my good watch, good pen and good wallet that I acquired some years ago, and I like everyone have had my wanker stage of going to Selfridges every time I felt miserable, but it was a very short phase that felt pointless very quickly.
The more I grow the more I go back in many ways, meaning I grow back into what was authentically me as young as my late teens probably. There seems to be part of our being, our character that intrinsically was us long before we became totally influenced by other factors. Some of it I think is our soul lines, ancestry, the position of the planets when we were born, and most of it is what happens to us next, but there are things you lose in young adulthood, that perhaps we need to find again. If you are in your early thirties and younger it is doubtful this will resonate with you, and I make no apologies for mentioning in almost all my blogs now, the potency of the mid life transit. Please read “The middle passage from misery to meaning” by James Hollis - a beautiful book.
We grow up or pretend to grow up, do what society calls grown up things. The ownership of property, the ownership of another person through the constraints of marriage, children whom we live our own unfulfilled lives through. I know so many married people who can’t follow their hearts desires, what kind of a life is that I ask you? What point is there in our lives if we can’t follow the desire of one’s heart, the pull of the soul? Some of us do though, and are brought to it in crashing circumstances, where survival instincts are mobilised. Whatever the path that takes us there, nearly all who are brave enough to undertake the pursuit of one’s real desire’s, find it through a hefty life experience, that’s for sure. That’s why the brain washing poison of an increasingly consumerist society tries everything in it’s power to disconnect us from ourselves. For individuation is free, it’s more valuable than any commodity we are told will be life changing, nobody can sell you it and nobody can take it from you unless you choose to let them. It’s merely being who you are meant to be.
I can feel it already, I feel spring knocking from time to time and it scares me. I feel unprepared, not made all the adjustments intended before I’m thrust into the light. I’m trying to enjoy this last month of winter as much as I can, and work hard at my process, so I have fruits to bear. (Trying to write a drama by the way) I wrote in my last blog how much I love going inwards the older I get, and how I need to retreat in order to gather strength for what is next. For the next few years are going to be the most transformative and changeling/challenging years that the planet has known in many respects, but certainly the MO FO of years of my life.
I wrote changeling accidentally because my spell check put it there when It corrected challenging (incidentally, I have big problems with spelling and in particular when to use of and off) I was always best in class at story writing and spoken word, and was actually a bit of a junior poet, getting published in bits and pieces way back, but always had problems with spelling. I would say mildly dyslexic even, so spell check is always working away with my pieces.
So… I thought I would keep changeling in as it does fit. Then I remembered the Angelina Jolie film where she played a woman who’s child was abducted and replaced by the authorities with another, whom she instinctively felt was not her own. Then my analytical brain questioned whether as an adoptee I subconsciously used that word.
Heard a sad but not surprising statistic once again on the radio last night. Radio 4 programme about adoption, where they say only one third of all adoptions in this country are successful - I’ve already written way too much to expand on what is meant by successful so I’m going to leave that in the hope that you will understand. As we know the family unit whether blood related or not has got a very poor track record of producing happy and emotionally healthy people, given that nearly all parents enter into child rearing themselves from a place of unresolved emotional wounding.
A helpful and insightful book about adoption is “The Primal Wound” By Nancy Verrier. It’s quite old now, but still I would say one of the best books for all involved in adoption, especially for those adopted like myself.
Certainly to acknowledge it as a life long wound is a start. I have known so many, and been very close to some other adoptees to know that we come in different types, but we all share the same pain, the pain of abandonment. What happened after that, how we coped with the fallout from it depended on how capable, how open hearted and how strong and nourishing the family we were placed with were. That is a tall order in a society that encourages people not to feel. I would think very very carefully as to whether you have what it takes to become parents of any kind, let alone adopt which is taking things onto a whole different level.
I wonder whether any of you are questioning my authority to write and advise on such matters, I don’t have a degree of any kind after all, but I want you to know as I write this I’m wearing a high visibility vest, so you can trust me.
Karma, would best describe current world events and shifts? For those of you who freak out when someone uses spiritual terminology, then how about “Cause and Affect” People reaping consequences for their actions. I heard some other academic type man on the radio the other day re Egypt saying “We never saw this coming” To which I turned to my radio and said “Well the fucking astrologers did.” Amazing that people will still put the word of politicians, economists and scientists, above astrologers. When will they fucking learn? For anyone still in the dark, I suggest you research Saturn in Libra. I’m one of the Libran’s hit by the transit that began in late 2009 by the way. Libra as you know represents balance and justice among other things, and Saturn is the most revered planet of all, for it is the planet of hard lessons, change and Karma. Now put them both together, Ring any bells? It’s kicking off isn’t it? As predicted - the road to 2012, fight back time. Pay back time. Did those fascist power driven greedy abusers think they would always get away with it? All the sins of greed and misuse of power will come home to roost over the next few years.
Hold onto your stupid fucking hats Etonians, you’ll be next.
I’m not an expert on astrology, I’m merely a student, and someone who has surrendered to my process. For really great coverage of world affairs and it’s relationship with the planets, and for a really compassionate and humanitarian view then please log on to: planet waves.
And for a personal reading with a passionate, warm and wise healer and astrologer visit Diana garland.
Spare a thought in your quiet time, reflective time, prayer time, whatever time you can for the brave citizens of planet earth who are fighting back, some of them who have lost their lives in order to emancipate others. Also Spare a thought for those struggling with natural disasters in particular the souls of those affected by the earthquake in Christchurch New Zealand.
As always, thanks for reading. Thanks for stopping. You should stop more.
Love and Peace
P.S. I will try and make March’s blog earlier into the month, It’s just I get distracted and end up completing it across several days.